Murphy's Law for Sex Toys

The dildo you can't find anywhere, but which you figure has to be under a pile of clothes or lost in the bed sheets, will always turn out to be neatly stashed on a shelf, prominently displayed for all but you to see.

Corollary: If your visitor is of the opposite sex, the dildo will have a 98.5% chance of being bright red and pointing right at him.

8 Things Every Lingerie Model Should Know

We’re re-designing the look of our site in the coming weeks, and that means new photos. So, for every aspiring model out there – or those who spend their free time fantasizing about them, here’s what models need to keep in mind for those fabulous, sexy photo shoots:

1. Wear clothes without waistbands to the photo shoot so you don't arrive with fabric marks on your skin.

2. Get a bikini wax. Nothing's more embarrassing than seeing a 3-inch space of your crotch blown up on the computer screen, with one straggler hair sitting there for all the world to see. (Having to stand there while they Photoshop it out just makes the horror last longer.)

3. Get information on hair and makeup and what you're expected to do before the shoot. If there won't be a makeup artist, you'll have to do it yourself, so be sure to bring all your supplies.

4. Attitude is more important than looks. A beautiful woman who has no zing on film makes a lousy model. An average-looking woman with sparkle makes a great one.

5. Take dance or movement classes. Learn to feel comfortable moving your body, and learn to move gracefully. Photos require models to do lots of small movements - too big and the whole shot may need to be re-lit or laid out differently. The trick is to keep those small movements interesting - dancers know how to do this.

6. Show up on time, showered, with all the required accessories, clothes, and equipment with you. Models must sometimes provide their own wardrobe, so shop carefully to keep a variety of styles in your closet.

7. Listen to your intuition. If you're going to be alone with the photographer, make sure you're comfortable, especially if it's a man you don't know. Get references - not just from employers, but from other models. They'll give you the lowdown - just make sure they're not just being catty so they can scare you off and steal your assignment.

8. Take care of your health. Models are needed for all sizes, and, with the resurgence of a love of pinup and burlesque, curvy, healthy women are at a premium. Don't starve yourself or jeopardize your health for a gig. How you feel inside - emotionally and physically - is how you'll look on film.

French Maid Mannequins Need Protection, Too

As any regular reader of this blog will know, I understand full well the inherent sexiness, the utter saucy appeal, if you will, of the French maid costume.

And yet, breaking through a plate glass window to feel up a mannequin in said maid costume does not seem an appropriate reaction, no matter how delicious the apron and petticoat, no matter the come-hither appeal of the mannequin's cold, plastic body - even with the added zing of all that static electricity. Nevertheless, freak fetishists - having, as always, a narrow and remarkably repetitive range of sexual response - can now proudly add to their ranks an experienced mannequin-groper.

Promising his parole officer to keep out of jail - for once - by (here's a thought!) buying his own mannequin, the sexually-challenged pervert found the lure of attacking exotic plastic to be too good to resist. Nothing like groping a stranger's plastic doll. Especially if you have to break through glass to get to it. I mean, you couldn't just go to the local department store and have a grope. No, that would be too easy. You'd probably get downgraded from Complete Freak of Nature to just Mildly Deviant.

And what's the fun of that?

Despite the bizarre-ness of the whole scenario, I believe the man's lawyer's reaction to be the most bizarre of all, when he expressed shock that previous prison sentences had done nothing to help his client. Imagine!

Click here to read the whole story.

Belly Dance and Body Image

I've been belly dancing for 19 years this summer and have, from time to time, taught belly dance classes. So it was no big leap to mix belly dance into my company's seminar offerings on health and body image.

What is a surprise, though, is to see that "Belly Dance and Body Image" is fast becoming our most popular workshop. Combining the fun of learning a new dance, this class uses the focus of Middle Eastern dance on movements of the torso and hips as a basis for a discussion on body image. Nothing makes a woman feel better about her stomach, hips, and thighs than learning how to move them in a centuries-old dance known for its grace and beauty.

"Belly Dance and Body Image" can be presented as either a one-time workshop or a 6-week-long class. For more information on this class - or any of our other workshops - click here.

Idiotic Assumptions

The other day I contacted the University of Vermont Art Department to see if they could post a "photographer wanted" notice so their students would know we were looking. As a start-up, we were offering to pay in product (lingerie!) and give the students a chance to stretch their skills at a little "glamour girl" fashion photography.

Sadly, none of the students will be allowed to accept or decline the opportunity, since the University refused - REFUSED - to post it.

Now, I know from the person who referred me to them that they do post such notices for their students. I also know from speaking to them directly that they screen people looking for free wedding photographers - although, apparently, those people are told they can hang the posting on campus themselves, which my company was not invited to do.

Obviously, there are still lots of options - and I've already exercised them by placing an ad in the local paper (again) and spreading the word around town.

But it is very hard to believe this didn't result from a preconception about lingerie and what kind of photos would be involved. Since I know what my company is and is not, I find this incredibly frustrating. The whole point of my company is to define sexy in a new way within the lingerie community – a sexy that comes from within the woman herself, not something thrust upon her by the shallowest realms of the fashion world.

What kills me is the moralizing tone of the whole thing – especially since it seems obvious to me that the minute the word “lingerie” entered the conversation, a whole string of pornography and exploitation flashed through their minds. So, of course, without asking for any clarification, being upstanding people, they had to say no.

Wouldn’t upstanding people not have had those images in their minds to begin with?