Things that Make You Go Hmmm ….

I couldn’t fall asleep the other night, my mind racing hither and yon and landing, as it always does in these moments, on my way-too-often non-existent, but always entertaining, sexual history. One thing is for sure - my sex life, as the rest of my life, is nothing if not filled with good stories. So, being awake and with nothing else to do (boyfriend working the night shift), I was moved to trot out some of my past escapades, just for my own amusement. Which is what led to the following list of Things That Make You Go Hmmm …. (aka., How Do I Get into These Situations??):

1. It was ten and a half inches. I’m four feet ten and a half inches. I couldn’t resist the math.

2. Who would have thought I’d spend my life thinking not, if only I’d had the chutzpah to do that on a plane, but, rather, if only I’d been discreet enough to have used the airplane lavatory?

3. Why would the only time a man has ever fainted on me have to happen in the middle of the night, outside, behind some suburban strip mall, when I’m in a cast and my crutches got left in the car? Really, I want to know. Why??

That’s enough for now, I think. I’ll save the rest for some other time. Besides, shouldn’t you be shopping for lingerie accessories??? We just changed our whole format, for god’s sake. Take a look.