The Lure of the French Maid

I admit it, I love French maid costumes. Ever since a particular Empty Nest episode when I was a kid, I've always thought sex is better with proper costuming. And it isn't that easy to find a decent French maid costume. Lots of them suck. They are too skimpy or too vinyl, or have weird ass-cheek cutouts that look ridiculous. I finally found a style I like, only to realize it was in black and pink.

That is unacceptable. French maid costumes must be black and white. It's just a given. And those vinyl ones are really gross. The point of the whole thing is to find something cut discreetly enough to be innocent, but sexily enough to be hot. It took me ages of searching online to find one I liked. Petticoats (a word my boyfriend has only recently learned; we believe in kinesthetic learning) are essential. As is a feather duster. And - it goes without saying - backseamed fishnet thigh-hi's. Oh, yes.

It is not mandatory that you speak French, although I do. And now even my boyfriend can say several essential words (le preservatif!).

Next, that saucy pirate wench costume I've had my eye on ...